Ah, you’ve arrived. Agent 86 here. I see Agent 99 delivered the message. I always liked her… Anyway, come closer. Enter the Cone of Silence with me. WE NEED TO DISCUSS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. Oh, sorry, Chief. We need to discuss something important. Agents of KAOS have been infiltrating Control and replacing all our shoe phones with these new “smart” phones. What do you mean, “What’s wrong with that?” It’s a conspiracy! Nothing beats a good shoe phone, they’re inexpensive and there’s no need for a data plan. Why do you think they call it a “plan”? KAOS plans to ruin us financially!

And what’s more, they do what they were designed for – walk and talk. What else do you need them to do? Browse the web, send email? My tablet, laptop and desktop are more than sufficient to handle those tasks. But what about texts? Texts? Are we reverting to the stone age? Phones are for verbal communications. If I want to send you a written note, I’ll send you an email or mail you a letter, without the need for adding an apology for spelling at the end. When Agent 99 and I are out on a mission, we actually speak to one another.

Watch video? Play games? Seriously, on that size screen? I’d go blind doing that. I know, I know, everyone has one. Well, except for me and my Thom McCan’s. Good shoe leather, and not a bad phone, to boot. Well if you simply must consider one of those things, at least get smart about it. Use this interactive table supplied by the Wall Street Journal to estimate your costs.

Agent 86 out.

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